Thursday, April 29, 2010

If I could, I would

If I could, I would.
Today, I suddenly realised how some memories are so hard to delete.
Today, I felt terribly upset.
Today, my life is in shambles.
Today, I feel lonely.
Today, it feels as if I am going through life alone.
Today, I really hate life.
I miss the old days.
I miss gran.
I miss her house.
The warmth.
And everything else.
My life has been a total wreck ever since DHS came into the picture.
Why?
Is it because I am just too sensitive?
Or people just aren't matured enough?
I don't understand how people are like that.
The feeling of being left out is horrendous.
The feeling of not being able to do what you want to do is horrible.
I hate life at the moment.
Whatever I do, people don't seemed to be pleased.
I can't even be myself.
Cause people always have craps to say.
They just aren't matured enough.
Things I did,
I felt it was correct. Initially, people didn't thought so. Then, they did. Why? Why must time go by before they finally understand?
Just when can people start to be more understanding?
Just when can I truly find a good life in DHS?
Some memories, I thought I have given them all up.
But then when things like these occur again, my mind gets jerked to conscious. Then, I realised I haven't entirely given up nor forgotten. But then, some things are just like that. Suddenly, the memories are all kind of deleted. The picture of thou is no longer there. It feels as if thee does not know thou. It feels like strangers. Like remoteness. And that's when reality sinks in. When you really hate yourself for not giving up. When you should have. So. I shall occupy myself. I want to lead my own life with courage. Without being held back. So maybe I should engage in more CIP. Cause they really make me happy. And make me forget about things for a moment.
I thought my teenage life was gonna be awesome. somehow at times it seems great, but then, now it seems to be in shambles. Now it seems totally wrecked. Why is it so hard for people to understand? Why is the feeling of being left out always there? Why do I have to always do things to please others? Man, I am not living my life.

Posted by The other Eden at 6:12 PM