Thursday, February 25, 2010
Letter
It's so hard to let go off certain things, especially if you are attached to it. I think maybe now I have learnt to let go this but still, now and then, memories will flash back in my mind, as though none of these have taken place. When you never call out my name when you have something to pass to me, I feel kind of hurt and angry. Like why can't you just call out instead of tap on my shoulder? You can call out to others but not me. I feel angry with you for not doing that, as though I am like some stranger or something. I also get angry and hurt when you would rather pass the stuff to others than to me. Like wow. Wow. Can't you just pass them to me? It's like freaking annoying and hurting. This is an indication that you are embarrased. Just as I am still. Almost 3 months have passed since school started, yet we are still strangers to each other. Hard to believe how about 6 months ago things weren't like that. Is like, I think of how when I bought a present for you last year, you were like taking it out from my bag and were like" eh.. what is this arh?" acting. I thought that was cute and funny. Like haha. Forward 8 months and look and things now. We are getting remote right? It feels strange. Somehow, the pain has numb. I no longer think of you so much now. Perhaps time really healed it all. But if I had a chance to rewind back, I would, really, seriously, earnestly, cherish you. Unfortunately, that won't happen. Because as time pass by, and I look back at those moments, I wondered if you honestly cherished and treated me like a good friend. Yeah, I admit I was at fault. But if you really cherish someone as a friend, you would accept his/her flaws and tell him/her, sticking by him/her while him/her change. Then I will realise, humans are weird, you are weird. Everyday, I would try not to look at you, to forget you faster. I guess it worked in a way. I am in no way hostile or rude or moody. I guess it's just my face. I don't and am not really moody, just that my face appears to be, so please do not, in whatever ways, perceive it that I am moody. Cause I'm not. I am feeling positive now and a bit regretful now. But then I thought maybe everything I had thought out, you as a best friend of mine was simply and purely thinking too much thoughts of mine. My assumptions. So when I looked back, I felt kind of stupid and angry with myself. I know nothing will happen. Things will be the same. You and I will be remote for I don't know how long. But I don't want this. I think it's better to talk. I don't want like in this school have any regrets or like not talking to people, things like that. And when I looked back, I realised perhaps it's just you. Perhaps you couldn't accept my flaws, you just couldn't put yourself in my shoes, you couldn't understand. You just thought I was that insensitive. I want to tell you : Have you tried being me? Tried putting yourself in the same situation? No point forcing others do what they don't want. It won't yield happiness. So when I don't want to group with others, you can't say that I am being insensitive. Would you have done the same if you were in my shoes? Sure , you might care about their feelings, but then you realise you don't want to do with them, you prefer doing with some other. So I was thinking, maybe it wasn't entirely my fault. You couldn't really blame me. You had your faults, I had mine. If you were to ever read this, I hope you would understand but well, I guess you wouldn't read it. Or might have mixed feelings. Or might say " I very what". Well, well, to each his own, even though I still wished things are not the way they are today. Okay, I am thinking too much. Gotta scold myself.
Posted by The other Eden at 3:39 PM
